Day 204 - July 24, 2012 - Who has some hope? Oddly enough I do

These are the soles of my wedding shoes. I needed something blue so I ordered these blue crystals off etsy for the bottom of your shoes. They say "I do" in blue so you have something blue for your wedding. I bought the shoes to work with me, after work I am going to hopefully pick up my dress as long as the seamstress I'm working with has finished it. When I know I've had to go see my seamstress after work I have bought my wedding shoes. Since I haven't been driving and probably won't be for a very long time if I ever do again my mom's going to pick me up when work is done. Shawn and I are very worried about a lot right now, we have lots to deal with on our plate. Last night we were out of hope and at the bottom of the barrel. Today I have a fight in me. I have some hope that things might hopefully work out okay, I have some hope that we can work through whatever happens. Maybe I'm a retard for having hope and being positive but I won't let myself be defeated I've already beat myself up enough. I will work my ass off to get us through whatever shit we end up in. My wedding shoes were free, I got them when I purchased the headpiece as a bonus bargain. Every little bit helps.

Day 203 - July 23, 2012 - Mark talks about Flash

Pretty anxious day today. Since the accident I've been managing to have a little bit of fun to take my mind of things, but it still keeps creeping up in my mind, it's in the back of my thoughts and I'm still worrying about the potential fall out from all of it. I didn't mean for it to happen and I feel really bad about the whole situation. I'm so worried about everything, about what's going to happen to Shawn and I, about our future. I went to an adobe user's group meeting after work while Shawn went to take care of some stuff for the accident. I offered to go with him but he told me to go cover the meeting so I can get an article out of it. So I went to cover the meeting and be there as a representative for both of us to see our friend Mark give a flash presentation. Mark is single ladies so if anyone reading this blog thinks they might like him let me know.

Day 202 - July 22, 2012 - Boner Bill the bride and his cohort little willie

We continued the bachelorette party at two bars. We were going to see magic mike but my family wanted to hit a bar up, so that we could do some scratch off dare games with unsuspecting men from at the bar. My family left the bar at 11 because they were tired. I continued the party with Janell and Lisa way into the night and early morning. I bought an inflatable naked man that I dragged around with me the whole night, Lisa named him boner bill. Janell and Lisa bought a big giant happy inflatable penis that we named Little Willie. After we dropped Janell's mom off we were hanging out in the backyard and Janell's brother Mike came to tell us that Shamrocks a bar by their house had karaoke. I really wanted to go because I wanted to hit up a karaoke bar all night. So we went to Shamrock's with Mike, boner bill and little willie in tow. Mike had too much fun with boner bill, at the end of the night we had a garter and one of my veils on boner bill's head.

Day 201 - July 21, 2012 - To have and to hold

My friend Janell had my bachelorette party today. I knew about it, the shower is supposed to be a surprise but the bachelorette party you can know about. I made it clear to her that I wanted a lot of penis stuff. We went to 56th fighter group and when it came time for dessert this cake was bought out. A sweet cake with lovely decoration. I tried to eat the penis Sunday afternoon but I failed, it was too sweet because it was pure fondant. I love my sugar but I think pure fondant was even overload for me.

Day 200 - July 20, 2012 - A third bridal shower coming

This is a weird time for me right now. I'm trying very hard to be happy for the wedding, and I'm happy to still be marrying Shawn but this accident has me very anxious. Today was my first day back to work after the accident, my first day taking the trains and buses again. When I got to work I discovered an invitation to the bridal shower my job is going to throw me on my desk. One thing we've been lucky about is bridal showers, jury duty threw me a shower, my mom threw us a shower and now my job is giving us one too.

Day 199 - July 19, 2012 - This bruise looks like Orion's nebula

I was attempting to photograph my injuries for the insurance. I kind of failed at it, unless Shawn likes the shots I took pre cropping. This was one of the pre cropping shots. This is my worst bruise from the accident it looks like Orion's nebula. As of this writing it's July 20, I didn't get in a daily shot yet, it's day 200 of my project, I hope the shot will be sort of happy. This year has been so strange. It's been so up and down. First something bad happens, then something good gets us happy again, we think the year might be going well after all and then we crash and burn again because something bad happens again. There's a few lights at the end of the tunnel after this accident. Even though public transportation is going to be a bitch sometimes, especially when I have to get to work by 9 AM, I think I might lose at least 5 lbs because I will be walking a lot. I have almost 8,000 steps on my pedometer alone and that's from walking in between train and bus stops and at lunch. I might lose 10 and gain 5 back, right now I'm eating but my appetite is definitely lacking. When I'm sad for some reason I just don't care so much about enjoying some food, when I'm happy I definitely like to eat. Whatever I end up eating, I only eat because I am just really hungry or I am forcing it down because I know I need to eat even if I don't feel like it. This happened after the first accident too.

Day 198 - July 18, 2012 - Maybe I should stay off the road....

Just when I was doing great, just a mere week and a half after I started driving on Sunrise Highway, I had another accident, this time we know the car is totaled for sure. I was lucky to live through this accident, I didn't see the red light on time, when I tried to stop my car it was too late, I ended up hitting another car going through the intersection on Sunrise Highway. I have some bruises, some soreness in my muscles, they checked me out at the hospital right after the accident they said I was okay. Mentally this is a really bad set back for me. I'm not going to drive again for at least a few months. I will not drive another car unless it's one I buy and I can't buy one right now, renting one is going to be too much money. So I am spending some more time with my bus driver friends and LIRR conductor friends until after the wedding, when I can see if I will even be able to finance a car, and pay a huge insurance rate because I was involved in two accidents in 6 months.

Day 197 - July 17, 2012 - Cat crack!

I bought some fancy feast at the supermarket on sale. Fancy feast is cat crack, once cats have it they do not want to eat their regular food. Since we only have three cats left in the house now, my phantom, kissy and Griff we have merged the cat food. Now we can even keep the cat food on the floor because we placed the dog in another home, he had too many allergies, he's in a better home now, where the people living there can afford to give him what he needs along with many luxuries. Anyway in the morning I usually end up putting out a bowl of wet food that Kissy and Phantom end up sharing. Griff is not interested to eat he wants to run outside usually and come back to eat later. This morning I decided to treat them with cat crack.

Day 196 - July 16, 2012 - The bean!

We went out to dinner with our friend Mark. We met him at Fancy Lee then we got some coffee at the bean after that.

Day 195 - July 15, 2012 - Drunken smores party

We stopped by our friend Karen's house for her birthday party. This photo is of Shawn and Brian, drunk and stoned respectively. This was after midnight, when most people had already left the party, we all made some s'mores. They were noms.

Day 194 - July 14, 2012 - Massive energy consumption

I was so tired, it was reminiscent of the exact same time last year when Shawn proposed to me at phantom. I didn't get to wash the dishes because I had spent all day Friday driving to Middle Island, after phantom we went to Carmine's we got back at 2 AM, so I only slept for around 5 hours. I was actually late to work because I had to stop by the ATM machine and I had to raid starbucks for caffeinated energy because I didn't wash my thermos out.

Day 193 - July 13, 2012 - POTO anticipation

This is the view from our latest seats at phantom of the opera. This is the exact same row we sat in around the same time last year when Shawn proposed to me. This was number 47 for me, number 6 for him, I still have to review the show on my POTO blog.

Day 192 - July 12 , 2012 - Weird lunch/dinner break where nothing went right

I decided to not have any of the noodle packages I have in my locker at work from Trader Joe's for dinner. I went to D&D by my job instead. They messed up my coolatta order so they gave me two coolattas one free that they messed up and the right one I ordered. I was heading to the bench I just became obsessed with that I know will help me avoid shopping on my lunch breaks so I can save some money (I really really need to save every penny I can, especially after what just happened to me), but my favorite bench was occupied. So I had to sit on this bench on the corner of Franklin Ave and Broadway which has a lot of traffic and too many people passing by on foot. I ended up spilling half of one of the coolattas you can probably notice the spillage on the ground in this photo. I was actually glad to get back to work after this break where nothing worked out.

Day 191 - July 11, 2012 - Parking by the library

This post kind of makes me sad, by the end of the batch of my blog postings until 7/19/12 you'll find out why. I parked my car by Farmingdale's middle school library. I had a board meeting to cover for the beacon. This poster actually featured the sandman pretty awesome.

Day 190 - July 10, 2012 - 2 year anniversary POTO

Shawn and I have officially been together for two years. I'm not sure if we are going to celebrate our dating anniversary anymore, we have one more dating monthiversary before we get married. After we get married though we might just celebrate our married anniversary. I got him a fuck ton of dragon stuff and he got me phantom tickets, he didn't know what to get me, I told him phantom tickets would be the best choice.

Day 189 - July 8, 2012 - We made it through pre-cana sunshine

Shawn and I successfully completed pre cana. This sky shot was taken after we had a dinner at the church with our families and the families of other pre cana passing couples. The catholic church has given us the green light to get married, despite the awful things I wrote on my bridal shower game sheet lol

Day 188 - July 7, 2012 - Ohm!

I take yoga classes once every two weeks. Sometimes I miss a class if there's something else I need to do like a doctor's appointment. I only got to snap cell phone photos today, this is happening more then I wish it to, I snapped this photo to check into yoga class. 

Day 187 - July 6, 2012 - Kitty cat tote!

I bought this funky kitty cat tote bag at Marshall's for $20. The four kitties the two big ones and the two little ones that are like a little accessory or key chain are representative of Shawn and I, and Chuv and Grizzy. I love this tote.

Day 186 - July 5, 2012 - It's the wrong place!

So I realized I didn't use my camera for a photo, sometimes it happens, I get busy and I forget to shoot something with my camera for the day. Luckily if I don't remember or get a chance to take out my camera I usually end up taking at least one cell phone camera photo. This gas station by my job went on fire, Danielle from work said she thinks the fire happened on Tuesday. I'm actually pretty upset about this fire. There's one spot in Hewlett I absolutely can't stand and that's my ex-landlord's restaurant Pantano's. I myself would never commit arson or any revenge against his terrible eatery no matter how much I hate it. The worst and most daring thing I've done is give the place a horrid review (which is actually pretty true, because seriously the food does suck). The safest thing to eat in that place is an egg sandwich and even that's not wonderful. I won't lie even though it's nasty I do wish something would happen to the place. That it would flop, catch fire, have a brick thrown through the window, but sadly this horrible restaurant just seems to be doing better and better. There used to be a location in Merrick, now I see one in Massapequa although I'm not sure if it's open or just an old store front. He has another restaurant in Long Beach (so now his stinkiness has corrupted the town that Shawn's brother lives in), I think he has a landscape company, and he owns a bunch of houses that he rents out to poor unsuspecting people who's money he will take but he won't help them if they need it. Alright this entry has definitely turned into a rant about how much I really can't stand my ex-landlord. I hope no one comes after me if misfortune befalls him (is befall even a word?). As much as I don't like the guy, the worst thing I did was to give his restaurant a bad review, and it's probably the worst thing I will do. If you happen to read this and are considering renting an apartment, renter beware, don't rent from Mike Pantano. That's also the other worst thing I'll ever do lol.

Day 185 - July 4, 2012 - Fireworks

For 4th of July festivities this year, Shawn and I went to Peggy and Dave's house with our friend Michelle. I wasn't sure I remembered the right setting on my camera for shooting fireworks but apparently I did because I got a few awesome shots. 

Day 184 - July 3, 2012 - Here we go again!

I've been seriously lacking in my exercise routines. I actually got really scared because the doctor I went to for my physical called. I have to get another blood test done in August, they want me to have an echocardiogram stress test too. Shawn's mom said it could be routine, at certain ages the doctors give certain test as protocol, Shawn said they don't know I'm a vegetarian and might just be trying to make sure nothing is wrong with my heart, he said if something is wrong, it's good they know now while we could probably do something about it. So I decided to try to get back into my exercise routine. I did 20 minutes of just dance. Hopefully I can get in at least 20 more minutes tomorrow night after pre cana boot camp is over. I'm a little nervous about these tests and hope picking up my exercise routine again will help. I'm going to try to make a point to exercise 2 times a week for now, I'm doing 20 minutes for a week or two, then upping the ante to 30 minutes. I walk on my lunch breaks most of the time, but I need to do more then that.

Day 183 - July 2, 2012 - Taking a nice shower, after my bridal shower

One of the things we registered for that we are both glad we got was this double headed shower head. Before this we had an older shower head. This shower head is so nice. One head is detachable which is really awesome, I don't even want to mention what's going to be really clean right now, but you probably will get the idea.

Day 182 - July 1, 2012 - On my birthday!

My family, being the geniuses they are (sarcasm here) decided to throw my bridal shower on my 30th birthday. Janell and Lisa, the two girls I wish were really my sisters made the event tolerable. I was grateful to have a shower but I will admit I was kind of pissed off at them for picking my birthday to throw it. I know it's retarded to be pissed about but I'm sorry I was and I won't lie about my feelings. I didn't wish to mix my birthday up in wedding events, yes my little sister did it because she chose to get married on her birthday, but I'm not her. I wanted my birthday to celebrate my way and do something of my choosing. That probably meant I was just going to have a quiet celebration somewhere, since I'm not really into throwing myself parties, but instead I got the bridal shower with lots of attention thrown on me. I also feel guilty now that we've had the shower, I feel like I've milked my friends and family for presents, our apartment is overloaded, we have stuff in the garage we won't be able to use for a long time, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I know everyone has a shower, or maybe they should but maybe as everything seems so far with these wedding plans this wasn't the right choice for us.

Day 181 - June 30, 2012 - Belated party

Our friend Dave turned 30 at the beginning of this month. He waited to have a birthday party though. His girlfriend was coming in from California but not until the end of the month which I think was his main reason in waiting to throw a party. We had dinner at applebee's, ate this ice cream cake, then high tailed it to see Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter which we were late for. Then we went to Bellmore to hang out at Dave's usual drinking spots, Shawn wanted to leave quickly and we were scared about my car being towed so we met up with Greg at the Leaky Lifeboat then came home.

Day 180 - June 29, 2012 - It's a bad idea to grocery shop hungry

Had the day off from work. Was pretty busy, I ate breakfast had coffee then ran out the door to pick up Grizzabella's ashes in Mid-Island. I got lost going there, and coming back. I was late to meet my sister Louise, we haven't talked in 7 months and she finally wanted to talk again so I met her for coffee, then I went grocery shopping. I was kind of hungry because I only ate my breakfast and while I was driving around and getting lost I didn't stop for anything to eat. As a result there were some extra items in my grocery cart, including these pringles, chocolate chip cookies (which we gave to the people hosting pre cana), and vanilla coke. This is also now why I weigh 175 lbs, I really need to cut out the junk food, or at least get back to exercising more.