Day 25 - January 25, 2012 - Tears in the tiolet

Back to taking the trains again so soon. I thought I was going to be fine, and I'm not bitching about the fact that I have to be on the trains again because I'm grateful that I'm okay from the accident. But when I went to buy some train tickets I just didn't handle it too well, I felt the tears coming at the ticket machine and went into the bathroom to cry after I got through purchasing my tickets. I may have inadvertently found a cheaper option with train fare for now. Apparently I can buy a weekly ticket, which is still expensive but it's actually just a little bit cheaper then buying tickets for 5 to 6 days of commuting, the weekly tickets help because if the car can be fixed and the insurance takes the claim and fixes it then when I'm ready to drive to work again on local streets only, no more parkways I don't have to worry about the possibility of losing money on a monthly ticket. If I do get the car back I'm not driving it to work again right away I'm taking a week or two and just driving it local, driving it to the train parking it and driving it back home after the train. I didn't give myself enough time to build up on a long distance drive, so if I get a second chance with Garnier I'm taking it slow even though it's going to be a more expensive and time consuming option.

Day 24 - January 24, 2012 - Back to waiting...

So this week is kind of rough. Of course the day after my accident I get to take session 1 of the defensive driving class I signed up for. Kind of comical but not at the same time. It seems like only situations like this work out for me. Poor Shawn is now stuck picking me up from the library for 3 nights this week,  Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. So I sat on the library bench and took up waiting position until he was there to get me, I wish I didn't fuck up the car so soon but it happened and this is the aftermath for both of us. It will get better in time, next week will be back to one night at least, and in three weeks I'll be off on a staycation and he will not have to pick me up, unless I cover something for the beacon which will be close to home.

Day 23 - January 23, 2012 - After so much time and effort it's all gone!

Today was possibly one of the saddest, worst days of my life but yet still good somehow. After getting a car, after spending so much time and money to look for one and buy one....not even a week of driving on my own and I got into an accident. I was so sad, I was crying I couldn't believe I already got into an accident, I couldn't believe I did this to Shawn after he put so much faith into me. If that wasn't a traumatic enough experience, my mom flipped out and called Shawn's mother. She said all these crazy things to her, things that had nothing to do with the accident, things against Shawn that I couldn't believe she'd say. So I get into a car accident with my new car and you just go kick me when I'm down mom, real nice of you! At this point I'm very angry with many members of my family, beyond livid. I have no idea how they can be against Shawn so much, this man has been nothing but be the greatest partner I've ever asked for. I haven't done anything to make my family think he was bad, I never said anything bad about him to them, they see how happy I am with him, they see the things he does for me and they have to act out and try to ruin what I have with him. It has to be them, because none of my friends seem to feel this way or anyone else who has seen my relationship with Shawn. Even my friend Glenn who did get mad at Shawn had the decency to tell me that even though he was angry he sees how happy Shawn makes me and how good he treats me so he's happy in the fact that I'm happy. So why can't my own family support me instead of making things difficult?!?! I took this sad self portrait after I got home and showered when the accident scene was cleared and we spoke to the police. I was full of anxiety in this photo because I thought I was going to lose Shawn after what my mom had done. I ended up talking with Shawn and thankfully he was worried about me leaving him, so at the end of the day after a traumatic accident as a brand new driver and horrible actions from my mother I still had lots to be thankful for. I still had my love, at least his family is accepting of me, we've got a lot to deal with because of this accident but we'll handle it and eventually it shall be solved, we've also got the wedding plans to rethink but we'll manage that too. At least I am also alive and here to solve these problems instead of on a morgue slab somewhere. There are problems but they will be solved and I am eternally grateful to be alive because the accident could have been worse and I could have been dead. I am not bitching about the MTA even though I have to take it again until we see if the car is fixable, I am not bitching about my job because I'm happy to have one, my paychecks will help me get myself out of the debt that I've incurred, also I've woken up more to the pale value of material goods vs. intangible things that are worth so much more, it's definitely helpful to avoid the shopping trips and stores until I pay off some credit cards to work my way out of debt.

Day 22 - January 22, 2012 - Dish vacation

So normally I do the dishes and Shawn does the laundry. These are the only chores we actually keep up with on a regular basis. We mean to clean the house but with full time jobs and pressing time limits it's pretty much impossible. I think after we get ourselves together financially if we can afford it, we might consider a cleaning lady to come in once or twice a week. When I'm off work though I normally take mini dish vacations, which means the dishes pile up in the sink. It happens but they get washed eventually so it's alright.

Day 21 - January 21, 2012 - Nonny is 85

It was Nonny's 85th birthday last week. Terry got sick so we couldn't throw her the party on her actual birthday as planned, so we threw her a surprise party a week later. We didn't think we fooled her but apparently we did because she still thought we were eating at a restaurant and meeting at the house until she walked in the door. I'm really grateful for Shawn's family, right now his family is being family enough for us both. Sadly most members of my family are completely flipping out and it pains me but I'm keeping my distance from them again, they are only going to hurt me if I try to make an effort to be close to them. My brother is alright, so are a few of my cousins but I've barely spoken to anyone, maybe things will get straightened out but until the lunatic family members I have actually make a move to grow up I have to take major space from them. Thankfully we had a great party for Nonny with lots of happiness, I'm so glad I'm marrying Shawn and that his family is pretty sane and very welcoming to me.

Day 20 - January 20, 2012 - Soda

I'm going through a period where I find I'm not really shooting too much, I am at least taking one photo for the day even if it isn't exciting or a great photo. As long as I get something for a daily. I don't drink soda too often, or at least coca cola, usually I will go for sprite or ginger ale. I craved coca cola for some reason and we had some on hand to quench this rare thirst.

Day 19 - January 19, 2012 - The brief period of owning car keys

I can't believe I had car keys for a brief time. Well I still have them but we have to find out if the car might ever be driveable again.