Day 204 - July 24, 2012 - Who has some hope? Oddly enough I do

These are the soles of my wedding shoes. I needed something blue so I ordered these blue crystals off etsy for the bottom of your shoes. They say "I do" in blue so you have something blue for your wedding. I bought the shoes to work with me, after work I am going to hopefully pick up my dress as long as the seamstress I'm working with has finished it. When I know I've had to go see my seamstress after work I have bought my wedding shoes. Since I haven't been driving and probably won't be for a very long time if I ever do again my mom's going to pick me up when work is done. Shawn and I are very worried about a lot right now, we have lots to deal with on our plate. Last night we were out of hope and at the bottom of the barrel. Today I have a fight in me. I have some hope that things might hopefully work out okay, I have some hope that we can work through whatever happens. Maybe I'm a retard for having hope and being positive but I won't let myself be defeated I've already beat myself up enough. I will work my ass off to get us through whatever shit we end up in. My wedding shoes were free, I got them when I purchased the headpiece as a bonus bargain. Every little bit helps.

Day 203 - July 23, 2012 - Mark talks about Flash

Pretty anxious day today. Since the accident I've been managing to have a little bit of fun to take my mind of things, but it still keeps creeping up in my mind, it's in the back of my thoughts and I'm still worrying about the potential fall out from all of it. I didn't mean for it to happen and I feel really bad about the whole situation. I'm so worried about everything, about what's going to happen to Shawn and I, about our future. I went to an adobe user's group meeting after work while Shawn went to take care of some stuff for the accident. I offered to go with him but he told me to go cover the meeting so I can get an article out of it. So I went to cover the meeting and be there as a representative for both of us to see our friend Mark give a flash presentation. Mark is single ladies so if anyone reading this blog thinks they might like him let me know.

Day 202 - July 22, 2012 - Boner Bill the bride and his cohort little willie

We continued the bachelorette party at two bars. We were going to see magic mike but my family wanted to hit a bar up, so that we could do some scratch off dare games with unsuspecting men from at the bar. My family left the bar at 11 because they were tired. I continued the party with Janell and Lisa way into the night and early morning. I bought an inflatable naked man that I dragged around with me the whole night, Lisa named him boner bill. Janell and Lisa bought a big giant happy inflatable penis that we named Little Willie. After we dropped Janell's mom off we were hanging out in the backyard and Janell's brother Mike came to tell us that Shamrocks a bar by their house had karaoke. I really wanted to go because I wanted to hit up a karaoke bar all night. So we went to Shamrock's with Mike, boner bill and little willie in tow. Mike had too much fun with boner bill, at the end of the night we had a garter and one of my veils on boner bill's head.

Day 201 - July 21, 2012 - To have and to hold

My friend Janell had my bachelorette party today. I knew about it, the shower is supposed to be a surprise but the bachelorette party you can know about. I made it clear to her that I wanted a lot of penis stuff. We went to 56th fighter group and when it came time for dessert this cake was bought out. A sweet cake with lovely decoration. I tried to eat the penis Sunday afternoon but I failed, it was too sweet because it was pure fondant. I love my sugar but I think pure fondant was even overload for me.

Day 200 - July 20, 2012 - A third bridal shower coming

This is a weird time for me right now. I'm trying very hard to be happy for the wedding, and I'm happy to still be marrying Shawn but this accident has me very anxious. Today was my first day back to work after the accident, my first day taking the trains and buses again. When I got to work I discovered an invitation to the bridal shower my job is going to throw me on my desk. One thing we've been lucky about is bridal showers, jury duty threw me a shower, my mom threw us a shower and now my job is giving us one too.

Day 199 - July 19, 2012 - This bruise looks like Orion's nebula

I was attempting to photograph my injuries for the insurance. I kind of failed at it, unless Shawn likes the shots I took pre cropping. This was one of the pre cropping shots. This is my worst bruise from the accident it looks like Orion's nebula. As of this writing it's July 20, I didn't get in a daily shot yet, it's day 200 of my project, I hope the shot will be sort of happy. This year has been so strange. It's been so up and down. First something bad happens, then something good gets us happy again, we think the year might be going well after all and then we crash and burn again because something bad happens again. There's a few lights at the end of the tunnel after this accident. Even though public transportation is going to be a bitch sometimes, especially when I have to get to work by 9 AM, I think I might lose at least 5 lbs because I will be walking a lot. I have almost 8,000 steps on my pedometer alone and that's from walking in between train and bus stops and at lunch. I might lose 10 and gain 5 back, right now I'm eating but my appetite is definitely lacking. When I'm sad for some reason I just don't care so much about enjoying some food, when I'm happy I definitely like to eat. Whatever I end up eating, I only eat because I am just really hungry or I am forcing it down because I know I need to eat even if I don't feel like it. This happened after the first accident too.

Day 198 - July 18, 2012 - Maybe I should stay off the road....

Just when I was doing great, just a mere week and a half after I started driving on Sunrise Highway, I had another accident, this time we know the car is totaled for sure. I was lucky to live through this accident, I didn't see the red light on time, when I tried to stop my car it was too late, I ended up hitting another car going through the intersection on Sunrise Highway. I have some bruises, some soreness in my muscles, they checked me out at the hospital right after the accident they said I was okay. Mentally this is a really bad set back for me. I'm not going to drive again for at least a few months. I will not drive another car unless it's one I buy and I can't buy one right now, renting one is going to be too much money. So I am spending some more time with my bus driver friends and LIRR conductor friends until after the wedding, when I can see if I will even be able to finance a car, and pay a huge insurance rate because I was involved in two accidents in 6 months.