Day 166 - June 15, 2012 - After 2 1/2 years you're gone!

This entry is going to be really painful, that's why I'm handling it now instead of later. I think I cried enough to fill up a lake today. I woke up to feed Grizz and phantom, I couldn't find Grizz. Then I heard her from somewhere in the laundry room, I heard this painful deep meow. I found her hiding in the corner, and I immediately knew she was in trouble, when animals hide on you it's a very bad thing. Shawn's mom heard me and came downstairs, she saw Grizz and said, "She's in respiratory distress."

I got dressed, forgot about anything else, grabbed my purse, we got Grizz in the carrier and rushed off to the vet. While Terry was parking I walked in with the carrier.

"You have to help my cat, she can't breathe," I said at the counter. The doctor bought her in the room and put her on oxygen. He gave her some meds to clear her airways and said we had to take her to the emergency vet in West Islip for X-Rays.

We got her there, she made it for the 10 minute ride without the oxygen, they put her on oxygen and did some x-rays. They found a malignant tumor in her throat. They said if they performed surgery the tumor would just grow back, that she'd have a lot of trouble breathing anyway. Their advice and Terry's advice was to put her down. I just wanted her to be okay, I didn't expect this, no one did, we didn't know she had a tumor. I spent a few minutes crying my eyes out in shock and decided to put her down, I didn't want her to suffer, I just wanted her to be okay though, I'd give anything if she was just okay.

They bought her into me wrapped up in a towel, I held her cried some more, told her I loved her so much, hugged her, kissed her, then I let them take her away again because she was having really bad breathing issues. I couldn't be there while they put her to sleep, so Terry held her while they did the procedure. She's going to be cremated so in about a week I'm going to have her ashes. They gave me the option of taking her home but I couldn't, I couldn't take her back once she was dead it would have been even more traumatic then it already is.

They gave me a piece of clay with her paw prints and a poem, I have her collar which I'm going to hold onto. This is going to take such a long time to get over, I can't believe my cat is gone. I can't believe she had such a short time with me I thought I'd have her for awhile. I rescued her from my parent's house in late November of 2009. I had just broken things off with my ex and he took the cat Lily that we were sharing back. I was devastated because I loved Lily and I was worried about the kind of care she'd be receiving in his hands only since I was more into caring for her then he was. My sister suggested that I take Grizz she was in my parent's backyard and I had seen her and pet her a couple of times. I said I'd take her if she was in the backyard. We went to my parent's house and she was there, so I took her in and she became my companion, my friend, my little diva. She was with me through many up times, many down times. She stayed by me when I was sick for two days in bed and could barely move. Now suddenly she's gone and I'll just have my memories of our time together, plus ten million tears to shed. I miss her so much!